My sister and I have been flat out packing up our parents’ home to put it on the market. With Dad gone and Mum in an old folks home, it was just the two of us with the help of our husbands and some good friends.
We came across old photo albums. While there wasn’t a lot of time to go through them, I found childhood portraits of the family and the dreaded school photos. And boy, did they bring back memories.
Not only because we had really bad bowl cuts—Mum used to cut our hair (you’d swear with a bowl as her guide)—but I also had very prominent teeth. That didn’t make for winning a popularity contest at school.
Looking at the photos took me back to my primary school days. I absolutely hated primary school, and one of the main reasons was because I was bullied for my teeth. I was called “bucky beaver,” “elephant tusks,” and when I got braces late in grade 5, the teasing escalated to “train tracks.” To be honest, my mouth was full of them, and gosh, did they hurt.
These aren’t great memories to reflect on. In comparison to the bullying that happens these days, my experience might be considered relentless teasing. Regardless, this experience solidly secured some limiting beliefs that held me back.
Reflecting on this made me think about how isolated I felt—much like the experiences many people have in the workplace, particularly women. Bullied by men in a male-dominated workforce and also bullied by competitive women who want to hold them back for their own benefit.
According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, women are responsible for bullying other women up to 80% of the time. Research indicates that women who have female supervisors face higher instances of bullying, abuse, and job sabotage.
While women have long struggled and continue to strive for equal recognition and opportunities alongside men, this battle brings its own set of challenges. Women who rise to the top often make it difficult for other women rather than extending a hand and supporting them to rise as well. They commonly adopt an aggressive leadership style to fit in, known as toxic masculinity, in order to “fit in with the boys” creating a toxic culture.
Unfortunately, when there is a leader at the top behaving this way, they set the precedent for others who also adopt this style, making the workplace unbearable for most.
The women who are victims of this bullying often feel isolated and powerless, with nowhere to go and no one to talk to about their struggles. They often don’t feel they can speak about it, let alone report it, as the bullying might get worse.
Many women I coach and have worked with in corporate environments have experienced this. Unfortunately, the one female leader I had in my corporate career was the worst leader I’d ever had. A passive-aggressive confidence stealer, she couldn’t be pinned for bullying, but she certainly didn’t empower either, leaving me feeling powerless. In fact, she was the catalyst for my leaving.
I agree with Madeleine Albright, who said, “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
This is why I am passionate about empowering women to make empowered choices for themselves, to be anchored to their values, and to know who they are at their core. To be strong leaders of self who can then be effective, confident and empowering leaders of others. When someone feels threatened to the point of bullying, it shows deep insecurity and a lack of confidence in themselves.
By fostering a strong sense of self and staying true to our values, we can break the cycle of bullying and create a more supportive environment. Empowered women make strong choices. They find their voices to stand in their power, report what is happening, or exit the situation for a more suitable environment—or both!
Empowered women empower others. Everyone, regardless of gender, deserves to work in a safe, encouraging, and supportive workplace with a true leader—someone who empowers them to shine and be the best they can be.
It’s time to build each other up, extend a hand, and rise together. Through unity and mutual support, we can truly transform the workplace and create a culture where every woman feels valued and heard.
Together, we can make a difference.