Last week, I witnessed something that stopped me in my tracks.
A woman was berating a young barista because her coffee order wasn’t quite right. Loud. Sharp. Aggressive. The kind of public dressing-down that makes everyone uncomfortable.
And yes, I did step in – politely, but firmly.
Because here’s the thing: how you treat people when you think it “doesn’t matter” is exactly when it matters most.
It’s easy to act like a leader when the cameras are on. When you’re standing in front of your team. When you’re presenting to a board or posting on LinkedIn. But the true test of leadership? It’s how you behave when no one’s watching.
How you speak to the receptionist when you’re running late.
How you treat the retail worker on a packed Saturday.
How you hold yourself when a client questions your work.
How you respond when you don’t land the pitch or the opportunity you’d hoped for.
Those moments define your leadership more than any performance review ever will.
I’ll be honest, this isn’t just about watching others. I’ve had my own moments.
There have been times I’ve missed out on opportunities I really wanted. Pitches I was excited about. Doors that stayed closed despite all the effort I’d put in. It hurts. My default reaction? I can spiral – frustration, disappointment, questioning my value. I go below the line quickly.
But then, I pause.
I remember the work I’ve done.
I come back to the Above/Below the Line model I shared in my book You Always Have a Choice.
That’s the model I use to lead myself through challenging moments.
I ask:
And then I remind myself of what I stand for.
The legacy I’m building.
The kind of leader I want to be – on the stage and behind the scenes.
Because it’s not about being perfect.
It’s about being consistent. Grounded. Intentional.
The leaders who stand out aren’t just visible.
They’re congruent.
They lead with integrity in the moments that no one else sees.
They treat people well, regardless of status or title.
They choose curiosity over reactivity.
They hold themselves to the standard they expect of others.
So here’s some questions I’ll leave you with:
Because those are the moments that build trust.
That shape culture.
That define your impact.
Leadership starts from within.
If you’re ready to lead yourself with clarity, confidence, and consistency—this is your invitation. Find out how we can work together.
For more on this topic, please tune into the latest episode of Leading You here
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