I once tolerated a senior leader speaking to me incredibly poorly.
It was never, “Do you have the capacity to do this? Or Can you help me please?” It was always a blunt demand: “Do this.”
I’d be dragged into meetings I had no purpose being in, my time wasted, simply to sit there and take notes. The tone was degrading.
And it wasn’t just me. My colleagues and I would roll our eyes and vent about it privately, but none of us stopped it. We tolerated it. So it became the standard we accepted from him.
Until one day, I’d had enough.
When I was being spoken down to in front of others, I simply said:
“Please don’t speak to me this way. When you feel you can have a constructive conversation with me, come and find me.”
And then I walked out. And I totally sh*t myself. I thought job now gone!
Apparently, jaws hit the floor. Redness covered his face. And never again – at least that I witnessed – did they treat me or my colleagues that way.
As Lieutenant-General David Lindsay Morrison famously said: “The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.” In that moment, I decided I wasn’t going to walk past it anymore.
The standards you tolerate, whether it’s poor behaviour, wasted time, or lack of respect, don’t just impact you. They set the tone for everyone around you.
And here’s the kicker: when you tolerate behaviour that goes against your values, you don’t just lose respect from others. You lose respect for yourself. That’s when your confidence erodes, your energy drains, and your leadership presence suffers.
Why It Takes Courage
Raising your standards isn’t easy. It requires courage.
But courage is also the turning point. The moment you raise your standards, you raise the bar for everyone around you.
This isn’t just about work. It matters in every relationship – with family, friends, partners, colleagues, and leaders.
Here’s how to start:
You don’t need to do more. You need to raise your standards. Because the courage to raise your standards today will be the legacy you leave tomorrow.