The other day, I witnessed something that made my blood boil.
A leader berating his team member. In public. In front of clients.
She’d made a mistake, a small one. The kind that was easily fixable and certainly not catastrophic as it was made out be. But instead of guiding her through the problem, he chose to take over. Loud. Dismissive. Sharp.
She stood there behind him, mortified. Trying her best not to cry. There were 4 of us at that counter, waiting. We’d all seen it. And I’ll be honest — I felt like punching him in the face. (Of course I didn’t, but that’s how strongly it hit me.)
When it came to my turn, I made a choice (a much more emotional intelligent choice!). I asked for her to serve me.
Why? Because I don’t want to interact with someone who thinks it’s acceptable to treat their staff like that.
He was shocked. He was angry. But when the customer behind me agreed and backed my decision, he had no choice but to step aside.
And in that moment, it hit me again: this kind of pathetic leadership is still far too common in workplaces today.
What These Leaders Get Wrong
Anyone can “lead” when things are smooth, calm, and easy. But true leadership is tested in the moments that don’t go to plan:
- When someone makes a mistake.
- When pressure is high.
- When frustration creeps in.
It’s in those moments that culture is either built or broken.
What this leader modelled to his team was simple:
- Mistakes aren’t safe here.
- You’ll be embarrassed in public.
- You can’t trust me to have your back.
And here’s the kicker: he thought he was showing strength. But what he was really showing was weakness – the inability to control his emotions and lead himself first.
The Real Impact of Behaviour Like This
When leaders treat people this way, it creates ripple effects that go far beyond one interaction:
- Psychological safety disappears. Team members stop speaking up, stop taking risks, and stop owning mistakes.
- Trust is broken. If a leader cuts you down once, you’ll always wonder when it will happen again.
- Engagement tanks. Why would anyone give their best when they’re publicly humiliated for trying?
This isn’t just poor behaviour. It’s culture-destroying behaviour.
The Alternative: Leadership Above the Line
Here’s what great leaders do differently:
- They pause before reacting.
- They address mistakes privately, respectfully, and constructively.
- They role-model the behaviour they expect from their team.
- They understand that their job isn’t to take over – it’s to lift up.
This is what I call Above the Line leadership (from my book You Always Have a Choice).
Above the Line leaders take ownership. They get curious instead of reactive. They choose respect over ego. And they know that how they treat people when it “doesn’t matter” is exactly when it matters most.
A Challenge for Leaders
So, here’s the question I want to leave you with:
- How do you treat your people when they stumble?
- What are you modelling in the frustrating, disappointing, unseen moments?
- Do your actions create fear or do they fuel trust?
Leadership is revealed in how you respond when the pressure is on, when mistakes happen, when no one’s watching. That’s the true test. And this below the line leadership? It has no place in workplaces anymore.