I’m not a regular MAFS watcher. It mostly drives me bananas rather than entertains me, what with all the good-looking people who claim they can’t get a date, have huge walls up and didn’t know they’d get edited to fit storylines. Life’s too short.
But very occasionally I dip in out because I am fascinated by human behaviour and one thing always bangs me on the head. The contestants in the ‘experiment’ often behave in front of cameras in the negative ways we behave at work.
Just to rewind the video tape for context, keep in mind the fact that we all have a choice how we handle any situation in our lives. Anything! That’s in terms of whether you react and deal with everything from a life-changing situation to tangled Christmas lights or a rainy holiday, a tough conversation or having to wait 30 minutes for your Door Dash.
You have control over everything, big and small.
Often people forget that and don’t take responsibility in their lives. Instead, they’re quick to blame and point fingers and to want revenge. And it creates a negative vibe around them which they seem happy to put out there—they’re wanting sympathy and to recruit allies to jump on their side.
My reaction: why are you whining? Why are you doing that? Why are you degrading yourself?
We’re wanting to stop bullying in schools yet there’s so much bullying within adult workplaces, within social media spaces, thanks to the wrong sort of ally building. It makes me see red. How are you meant to create the change when you’re not leading it? How are you going to stop bullying when you’re watching MAFS, where fans jump on social media to support or vilify people, they know almost nothing about?
Another thing I find really fascinating is that these “experts” allow gaslighting behaviours, bullying and continue to keep people within the ‘experiment’ when they are obviously in a bad mental place and they are effectively facilitating the bullies. That really upsets me.
MAFS is a workplace, albeit an unusual one, and its lessons and shortcomings translate to other workplaces.
In yours, if you’re not feeling valued and have taken steps including offering feedback and it’s fallen on deaf ears—leave. Stop putting yourself in that situation and start taking responsibility for your own destiny rather than trying to build allies for the wrong reasons. Getting people on your side and getting them to feel sorry for you is great for a while and you might feel validated but it doesn’t change your situation.
You’re still in the poo. Get out of it and stop compromising yourself.
Don’t see leaving as being pushed out, but as being unwilling to compromise your values. The employment market is so buoyant at the moment—you can probably find a great new adventure for yourself.
Any bystanders, I encourage you to stand up. This type of behaviour is all too often accepted by leaders, managers and so called ‘experts’ and it’s not ok.