I’ve worked with some exceptional leaders.
People who led with heart, made tough decisions with integrity, and genuinely cared about the people they were responsible for.
But I’ve also worked with one of the worst.
She was, without question, the most damaging leader I’ve ever had.
She didn’t lead – she controlled.
She didn’t support – she manipulated (oh so well).
She didn’t lift others up – she kept them small.
This was back in 2004. And trust me I seen some bad examples of leadership. I’ve even been yelled at in front of others. That’s a story for another day!
But this one takes the cake.
She stripped confidence from talented people. She created fear, not trust. And when people were brave enough to call her out, they were punished.
I watched her undo strong team culture, erode psychological safety, and destroy momentum in a business that had real potential. The damage she caused wasn’t just personal, it was systemic.
And yet… she stayed in leadership far too long.
She played the game. She looked the part.
And no one was willing to risk what it might take to remove her. Until someone (one person) was courageous enough to – thank goodness.
That was 20 years ago.
What frustrates me now is that I still see this kind of leadership in workplaces today.
We’ve evolved in so many ways – yet this behaviour continues to be tolerated. In some cases, even rewarded. And not limited to one gender.
There are lessons in working with leaders like that.
You learn who you don’t want to become.
You learn the impact fear-based leadership has on people’s mental health, careers, and confidence.
You learn how not to treat people—ever.
But honestly? I’d rather have learned from a role model with heart.
Someone who cared about people as much as performance.
Someone who led with courage and kindness.
Someone who knew that real leadership is not about protecting your title – it’s about empowering your team.
We are at a turning point.
The world has changed, and so must our leaders.
The ones still leading like it’s 1995?
The ones stuck in ego, power plays, and self-preservation?
They either need to aim up – or step aside.
Because leadership is no longer about command and control.
It’s about emotional intelligence, adaptability and care.
It’s about creating environments where people thrive, not survive.
And it starts with us. With how we choose to show up, how we treat others, and how we lead ourselves first.
If you’ve ever been hurt by a toxic leader, I see you.
It takes time to heal. To rebuild confidence. To trust again.
But it also gives you clarity.
On the kind of leader you never want to be.
And more importantly – the kind of leader the world needs.
If this blog hit a nerve, if you’ve worked under leadership that drained you, or you’re determined to lead differently, now is the time to pause and reflect.
Because we’re at a fork in the road. And the way forward starts with self-leadership.
Because the world doesn’t need more titles.
It needs more leaders with backbone and heart.