Yes, some people will overlook you because of your age. That’s real. And it’s not the whole story.
Because some of what feels like ageism is actually perception. And perception you can change.
Here’s the part that’s harder to hear. And more empowering once you do.
The people around you aren’t responding to your age. They’re responding to the version of you you’ve consistently shown them.
Which means if you trained them to see you a certain way… you can retrain them.
Here’s what I see again and again with senior leaders, women especially, at 45, 50 and beyond.
She’s capable. She’s experienced. She delivers. And she genuinely believes she’s seen as a strategic and influential leader.
But the people around her? They see someone reliable. Safe. The one who gets things done.
Not wrong. Just incomplete. And at senior level, incomplete is the problem.
The gap between how you see yourself and how others see you is wider than you think
Dr. Tasha Eurich spent four years researching self-awareness across almost 5,000 people. Her finding? 95% of us believe we’re self-aware. But only 10 to 15% of us actually are.
Read that again.
Most of us are walking around with a version of ourselves in our heads that doesn’t match the one other people experience.
And it gets worse the more senior you become. Because the higher you rise, the less honest feedback you get. People soften it. They avoid it. They tell you what you want to hear. Which means the gap quietly widens, and you don’t even know it.
The behaviours that got you here built your reputation
This is the part we often don’t consider.
Every time you stepped in and solved the problem, you signalled: I’m the solver.
Every time you took on more because nobody else would, you signalled: I’m the pleaser.
Every time you stayed quiet in the room because it wasn’t your place, you signalled: I’m not quite ready.
That wasn’t your intention.
But intentions don’t build reputations. Behaviours do.
Over years, those behaviours stacked up into a story. A label. A box.
Think about a cereal box on the shelf. Special K. Its promise is right there on the front, keeps you looking good. And on the side panel? Every ingredient that supposedly delivers that promise. You know exactly what you’re getting before you’ve even opened it.
Your reputation works the same way.
The people making decisions about your future have already read your panel. They know what you deliver. They know what you stand for. And they’ve made up their mind about what you’re for.
Reliable. Organised. Safe pair of hands.
Not wrong. But if that’s all that’s on your panel, if there’s no evidence of strategic thinking, future focus, or the leader you’re ready to be, then when the next opportunity comes up, they’re not reaching for you.
Not because you’re not capable. Because your box doesn’t say that yet.
And here’s the thing about cereal boxes, the product doesn’t change. The positioning does.
Three questions worth sitting with
Before you can shift how others see you, you need to know what they actually see. Not what you hope they see. Not what you intend to project. What lands.
Ask yourself:
What am I known for right now? Not what you want to be known for. What would the people in the room say if your name came up in a promotion conversation?
What’s my evidence? Not assumptions. Real signals. Feedback you’ve received. Opportunities you have or haven’t been offered. Rooms you are or aren’t invited into.
Do my behaviours match who I want to be seen as? Because if you want to be seen as a strategic leader but you’re still solving every operational problem that lands on your desk, there’s a gap. And other people can see it, even if you can’t.
The shift isn’t about doing more
Most women at this stage try to close the gap by working harder. Delivering more. Proving themselves again.
But that just deepens the existing perception. It confirms the story.
The shift is in how you show up. What you contribute. Where you spend your time and voice.
It’s moving from being known for what you deliver to being chosen for what you lead.
That’s a different game. And it starts with seeing yourself clearly, not through your own eyes, but through the eyes of the people making decisions about your future.
You trained people how to see you. Now it’s time to retrain them.
If you want to know exactly where to start, join me for a free live masterclass on Wednesday 13 May.
In 60 minutes I’ll show you why you’re stuck, where you actually are right now, and what needs to shift so you stop being the best kept secret in the room and start being the obvious choice.
Past Your Best? Or Positioned for What’s Next? Wednesday 13 May · 12pm AEST · Live on Zoom · Free